a musing julius…

looking back at my resolutions for 2007, i realize i did fairly well.

1) lose 10 pounds (i lost 25, but that was all in the last 4 months of the year)
2) save an extra $100 each month. (i averaged $150)
3) don’t challenge people so frequently (i needed to work on this a bit, but better than 06)

rating my year.
work: A+, such a good year there. 2008 looks so good here.
social: B, made some new friends, sadly lost others, a tough year, but i learned a lot about me.
intangibles: B+, rearranged apartment, stronger family relationship and 2007 travels

overall: A-/B+, 2007 is a great springboard into 2008. looking forward to the ‘08. lots of exciting things coming up.

happy new year everyone! lets have a good one!

my friends that know my parents usually ask them, ”how did the two of you create him?” they usually answer by starting a sentence with, “well, when a man and a woman fall in love…” which causes a large uproar.

see, i’m fairly straight laced. my parents on the other hand, are much much much cooler than me. i’ll safely admit it. some of the things (they call them stupidities) that they’ve done in their life are activities or ideas that i would just never consider doing.

lets do some background.

ludwik is my father. he came to the united states in 1980. he had $500 to his name and bought a fiat spyder with a hole in the roof and the floor for $100. my dad had been to the united states each summer while he was in college, and his english was enough to get by, but not the greatest.

barbara is my mother. she came to the united states in 1981. she had $20 when she came to the united states. my father actually sent her $800 to buy a ticket to come to the united states, after buying the ticket, getting a visa, and buying presents for her family, she left poland 3 days before martial law was enacted in ’81. my mom boarded the plane, only praying that my dad would be at the airport. this was before cell phones for everyone, so they arranged their lives together using hand written letters that had took 3 weeks to get to and from the u.s.

my dad worked as a cook in the sears tower, cooking 400+ eggs a day for the hundreds of employees in the sears tower. he made $3.50 an hour.

my mom worked as an assembler on a factory line making automatic transmissions. she made $100 a week.

i don’t want to spoil their wonderful story, as my mom is writing a novel about our lives in the states. its intended for my future wife and my future children, so they can understand their in-laws and grandparents.

my first part of the series will be about my parents recreation when i was a child.

when i was 6, my dad bought a harley-davidson speedster 883 in candy red. he loved that bike, but my mom hated it. he always loved motorcycles, and his old home in poland still has two of his old motorcycles (one partially disassembled) from his childhood that he’s considered shipping to the u.s. eventually, my mother didn’t think it was safe for me to be around a father who rode motorcycles.

so my dad sold his bike, only to replace it with a bigger one a few years later, a fatboy, also candy red. 6 months later, my MOM bought her first motorcycle, a sportster 883 in candy red, just like my dad’s bike. she ended up customizing it to have drag pipes that ran nearly 110 db’s on wide open throttle. she had me and my dad disassemble the bike, get everything chromed, had a custom green paint job with a hummingbird and the words, “midlife crisis” on the fuel tank. a few years later, my dad upgraded to an ultraglide in candy red, which had more lights than a typical christmas tree. my mom, too, ended up buying a heritiage softtail classic, and between the two of them, before i left for college, they owned 5 harleys. i have leather jackets, vests, the works. my dad and mom have multiple pairs of custom-made chaps. they were featured in the newspaper and harley magazine (mainly because my mom would write stories for the magazine, and she’d always win)

my dad also took up skydiving when i was 15. his dream was always to fly. his proudest moment was during his training on his 13th jump, he failed to get control after executing a loop in the air, and fell 9,000 feet in 45 seconds. the instructor he jumped with, caught this all on film, and caught up with my dad, stabilized him, and got ludwik to open his chute at 2400 feet (a dangerously low opening, considering it takes nearly 1000-1500 feet to fully open your chute.) he was so proud of that video. i nearly puked thinking he could have died. my mom wanted him to stop jumping. he ended up jumping nearly 200 times. his worst injury was a sprained ankle.

as is customary, instead of my dad following my mom’s recommendation, she ended up ignoring her own advice and did 5 tandem jumps herself.

since going to college and entering the real world, my mom has tamed, resorting just to oil painting and writing her book.

my dad gave up skydiving, but instead became a weight-shift trike pilot.

he is a sport pilot instructor, a weight shift instructor, can fly using instrumentation-only conditions, and is a certified rotax 912 engine inspector. his call number for his trike is nine-twelve-lima-mike. (912LM)

on my last visit with him, we flew to 9,000 feet. made me remember the time he used to fall out of planes. i prefer him flying.

dear MDOT,

it appears that my previous note to other drivers has fell on deaf ears. while i will not hold you responsible for those atrocities, i will hold you responsible for the horrendous snow i drove inon from miles 1-167 on i-94 in the state of michigan.

see MDOT, i’m from illinois, the land of IDOT, perhaps one of the greatest departments of transportation in the contiguous 48 states. i left chicago at 8am eastern time, and prior to leaving, it was well know a large snowstorm was coming to chicago and western michigan. everyone knew it was coming.

as i merged onto i-94 in the greater chicagoland area, i was happy to see salt and plow trucks on the shoulder, every 5 miles. just waiting. see, the snow hadn’t started yet, but they knew it was coming, just like you did. when it started to come down as i approached the indiana border, salt trucks were already working at the border. preparedness. they were just waiting.

so i thought, maybe, just maybe, MDOT will cover my ass when i needed to get my car through this snowstorm. imagine my surprise when i crossed the border into michigan (as the indiana DOT salt truck making a michigan left uturn before the border) and saw snow, just sitting on the roadway. i went from driving 75 on a wet roadway, to driving 35 on a snowy roadway.

from miles 1-167, i travelled an average of 45 mph, in the center. no, not the center lane, just the center. there were no lanes. you could not see any lanes, so people just drove wherever. my dad called me multiple times as i drove through your fine state, notifying me that i’d be driving “through the worst parts” between miles 60 and 80. see, my dad is a pilot, but his weather comes streaming live from reflective radar to his phone. i have to believe you have similar technology to identify where storms will be doing most of their damage. so tell me, why was it, that i saw just one MDOT salt truck over that 167 mile stretch, while over just a 40 mile stretch in chicago, i saw no less than 8 IDOT trucks.

listen, we know when snow is gonna hit…at least most of the time. put a couple of trucks out there…maybe if you threw salt on the road instead of gravel, you wouldn’t have had to deal with the two semis that collided and jackknifed at exit 130, creating a 12 mile parking lot back to jackson, mi.

thank gosh it was westbound…because i’d be pissed if it was eastbound. so next time, park a couple trucks out on the roads before a snow storm. i promise they’ll come to good use.

thanks,
julius

forgive me if i start to sound like andy rooney for a while (man is that guy unbearable unbearbly annoying) but parents these days are getting cah-razy. as i watched the movie Vitus yesterday (an incredible german film about a  12-year old wunderkind genius piano player who fakes a head injury to get a normal life) i decided it’s time to write my piece about helicopter parents.

helicopter parents are, as i define it, parents that focus and engage themselves constantly in their child’s life, in both an academic and social sense. they will usually rush to their child’s side, preventing their child from experiencing harm from failure, or allowing them to learn from mistakes. i’ve heard of parents “helping” with college essays, hiring college consultants, and doing children’s homework. my parent’s accountant was a helicopter parent. each time my parents went in to his office to do the magic they do, they discussed their kids. when college application time rolled around, my parents accountant told my parents how he hired a consultant to help his kid with essays, complete applications, and fine tune his son into an interview machine.

my parents did no such thing for me. their accountant made them feel stupid. they came home to me asking immediately if i needed anything. i told them they were being crazy and so was their accountant. 4 months later, when their accountant talked about the wonders of getting his son into the university of illinois, he proudly asked my parents where i had decided on going. when they told him northwestern, he was speechless, and didn’t talk to my parents for two years. he handed off their taxes to another one of his drones.

my parents weren’t around much when i was a kid, except in the evenings. they rarely helped me with my homework (but always asked) and missed some critical events that at the time was the premier event of my young life (like tennis matches and speech competitions)

my parents never made decisions for me, or really engaged much in my life when it came to decisions that affected me. when i tested out my regular elementary school in 4th grade, and was offered to go to a “special learning program” (kids called it SLP) my parents had me make the decision. i decided to stay, and i was the only student to decide to stay. the principal called my parents urging them to reconsider. they said it was not their choice, and told her that she’d have to convince me if i was to leave my school for the 5th and 6th grade. later my parents told me that the principal thought they were crazy.

anyway, from kindergarten to 10th grade, i walked to school. when i came home, i opened the house up on my own, took the dogs out, and took care of stuff. my parents would almost always come home after me. we’d always eat dinner together, but after dinner, dad would usually goto work at some building, and mom would go back to cold-calling people wanting to sell their home. sometimes i would help.

i call my parents twice a day, sometimes many more times like today (driving through the snow storm in my all-weather 3-season coupe) i talked to both parents at least 5 times before arriving in detroit. that said, i choose to keep my parents close to me. i don’t have any other family in this country. seeing my grandma was amazing. many of my friends have grandparents that lived with them, and aunts/uncles/cousins that live within driving distance. many of my friends have cousins that live close and see frequently, but i have no such luxury. before my 16-year old cousin paulina came to visit my parents this summer, the last time i saw a real blood cousin, paulina wasn’t alive.

so christmas eve went off without a hitch. my family (me, dad, mom plus grandma) opened the 52 presents we had under the tree. yes, 52. 4 people, 52 presents. 13 presents on average. in actuality, mom and i got the most. dad was ridiculous again, purchasing not only 10 articles of clothing for my mom from her favorite store, he went the ‘laptop’ route. now, grandma, mom, dad and i all have laptops. christmas morning was spent on our respective computers*

dinner was different this xmas eve. we opted for non-polish fare…no pierogis, herrings or potatoes. the only thing we had remotely polish was barszcz (yes, that’s 5 consonants in a row) instead, seafood stew, bruschetta and baked brie (not all together, and not all at once) made up dinner for the night.

polish people open gifts on xmas eve…and this year, santa was good to me, mostly in the area of running effects. santa thinks i can run a 1:45 half-marathon, and did everything in his and her power to keep me running. the signature gift, a suunto t4, not only tracks my heartrate, but knows exactly the distance i’ve run, the pace, how many calories i’ve burned, and then downloads all of that to my computer, so i can see just how well i’ve been regressing progressing in my running.

anyway, after dad and i plowed down a bottle of wine between the two of us while opening presents, we decided to polish off another one (this time we split with mom and grandma) before we had to walk across the yard to our friend’s place. there, we told stories of the old polish country.

this morning (christmas day) we ended up spending an hour at starbucks with polish friends, in the corner, having a blast, and making fun of more absolutely ridiculous holiday greetings from poland. i’d translate these, but they rhyme, and their in polish. sadly, the words “yank” and “testicles” don’t rhyme in the english language, so the poem about santa getting his ass kicked when he comes down your chimney rhymes in polish, but not in english.

i took the new running gear out (which is ungodly accurate when it comes to identifying how far i run: 4.18 miles today)

but mostly, this christmas was a great time to be with the family. we rarely spend this much physical time together, and usually, we seperate and do our things, like work, visit friends, etc. it’s been 4 solid days, and we’ve not left each other’s side. this time, love has been the word of the week. i’ve never felt this way about my family. despite the distance, i feel closer and closer to my parents each and everytime i come. i’m not sure if its maturity in general, or if i’m gaining emotional maturity when it comes to my parents. i love them lots (obviously, we talk constantly, but they’re all i’ve got) but this week continues to show that my relationship with them continues to evolve, and i learn more and more each day about them and my relationship with them. it’s neat.

also, everyone should watch the movie Vitus.

*in all actuality, i left my laptop in detroit, but it makes the story sound better if i actually imagine i brought the laptop with me and used it this morning.

using the internet and the polish equivalent of facebook called “Nasza Klasa” (translated to “our class” meaning, high school graduating class) it’s possible for my mom and dad to reconnect with people from poland.

i’ll eventually write about a post on the mentality of polish people…we’re a ridiculous tribe, riddled with a history of being wiped off the world map 4 times, and gaining the defensive attitude and blind pride that comes with being the butt of all jokes west of Berlin Warsaw.

anyway, this morning, my mother received a christmas greeting from a friend of her’s from high school. they talk occasionally through email over the years, but in general, the relationship they have is equivalent to the friendship i have with friend from high school, we hung out then, but now, we’ll see each other at bar night in palatine the night before thanksgiving. in my mom’s case, that is when she flies to poland.

my mother sent the following message:

Dear Chris [i'm editing names too make this more english friendly]

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I wish you and the Kristina the best for your holiday. My mother-in-law is here for the month, and Julius will be coming home in a few days, bringing the whole family together. We are anxiously awaiting to open presents, and have Christmas dinner. Kisses for your family.

Love, Barbara

the message my mother got in response. remember, the context.

Dear Barbara,

This year was a very good year, and next year, in 2008, we expect to be just as good, with a little help from God and patience and hard work stablizing the family and kids, and the kids hard work, and good results from the kids’ college entrance exams.

I hope you get some rest over these few days, build up your strength for the next year, and take in the season to build up your health and immune system.

I wish you a Merry Christmas, filled with joy and love so that visions of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ will give you the ability to fulfill your wishes at your exact place in time. I’m wishing you a splendid new years, filled with splendid memories of the year past, so that 2008 will be happy, and will give you some, but not too many unexpected surprises.

My love to Ludwik, and your son. I wish them both a wonderful 2008.

I wish all of your friends a wonderful holiday.

Please give me your phone number. I would like to call and hear your voice at least once, to make my 2008 just that more wonderful.

Have fun

Chris

i think the two kickers in this note were the wishing all of my mom’s friends a good holiday, considering he doesn’t know them, and the whole “visions” portion. it’s probably the most dramatic email my mother has ever recieved wishing her a merry christmas.

but polish people, myself so so so very included, love to be so so so dramatic. but more to come on that later.

the last time i joined my family in buying a christmas tree, and decorating it in the spirit of the holidays, was when i was 18. today, at nearly 25, i get the opportunity again. my parents waited, and while we’re probably late to the christmas tree purchasing and decorating…it meant the world to me that my parents waited.

so this morning, my dad and i searched far and wide a local parking lot to get a christmas tree, so we could decorate it as a family for the first time in 6 years. i felt like i was 8 again, but this time, i could actually reach the top of the tree. later, i felt like i was 13 as it was my job to vacuum the house from all the spruce fir needles that fell to the floor.

so far, here are some things that have made my first 24 hours in chicago, awesome.

1. setting up a gmail account for my 76 year old grandma, and teaching her how to send email and use gchat. note, my grandma just bought her first computer less than 4 days ago, and doesn’t fully grasp the english language. teaching her about technology in polish is likely the most difficult thing i’ve ever done, but seeing the smile on her face getting her first gchat message from me just across the room, was pretty freaking awesome.
2. walking in downtown chicago after a long meal at cafe iberico. glorious food, followed by a glorious walk down michigan avenue and rush street.
3. drinks at mexx lounge. i had never been there, but talking old school family history with my grandma and parents over a glass of wine while watching people walk down rush street is a wonderful reminder of the greatness of chicago.
4. playing with kuba (our 9 month old dachshound.) i only see him when i come home, or when my parents bring him to detroit, but i love this dog, and he loves me. he waits outside my bedroom door for me to wake up. as i’m writing this, he’s chilling with his head in my lap (making it difficult to type) but he’s just awesome.

this time in chicago is much needed. so far, lots of rest, lots of fun. tomorrow, time with friends.

as i prepare for my 5 hour drive to chicago from detroit this morning, i’m reminded of the most egregious driving practices that grace our fine country.

driving in the left hand lane: I-94 is the quickest way from me to get from Detroit to Chicago. Many of the stretches, particularly after Ann Arbor, are two lanes in a single direction of travel. My most frequent thought while driving here is, “GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANE!” see, driving right, passing left is the law in most states. for some reason, michigan doesn’t thinks this merits being a well-defined law. transportation models consistently show that slower drivers travelling in the left lane consistently cause congestion. from driverightpassleft.com: “it has been proven in other countries that this rule of the road [drive right, pass left. or drive left, pass right in james bond land] can be implemented to allow higher vehicle speeds. also solid evidence shows that per capita, their highway deaths are amongst the lowest in the western world.” please, if you’re in the left lane, and someone is behind you, move over to the right lane, and stay there. people would like to pass you. it’s safer for everyone if they pass on the left.

driving with your high beams on: this is just idiotic. <start automotive lighting lesson> all automotive headlights are governed by the SAE and the USDOT. in america, we drive on the right side of the road…and as such, all of our automotive low beam headlights are biased to shine down and to the right. yes, your lights (standard passenger cars) are actually aimed 1.5 degrees down, 2.5 degrees to the right to illuminate road signs, and keep drivers in front of you from being blinded by glare. suv’s and trucks have a larger downward bias based on the height of the vehicle. either way, regardless of vehicle height, your low beams should provide approximately 350 feet of light in front of your vehicle. your high beams, only provide about 100 extra feet. they are not only brighter, but aren’t biased (as much) to point down and right. they point straight out. so you think that’s better because you can see further down the road, when in fact, reducing your speed by 5 mph (from 80 to 75 mph) will give your low beams the same relative sight distance as driving with your high beams at the higher speed. you should only use high beams if there are no vehicles in front of you. but you, believing you can’t see anything with your low beams are blinding the drivers in front of you (pun intended.) if you can see a car anywhere in front of you, turn off your high beams.

talking on your cell phone: this is annoying and dangerous if you’re not on a hands free device, like SYNC or a bluetooth headset. i purchased a handsfree device not long ago…but either way, you’re still probably not paying attention to the road. i’m guilty of this as much as the next person, so i try not to talk while i’m in the vehicle when i can. sometimes you just gotta do it…but if you’re going to, make sure both hands are free to…oh, i don’t know…drive the vehicle?

anyone else have an idea they want to share? i’ll be happy to post up some of your biggest driving pet peeves.

as i emerged from 4 hours of sleep , after 12 hours of drinking yesterday, i was overcome with a general sense of awesome. 3 months ago, i doubt i could say the same thing. stuff (read: life) wasn’t awesome. it was tough. it threw me many curveballs.

now, i focused on work and friends. friends have been amazing, work has gotten a whole lot better, my review was astounding. i have travels, hobbies and events to look forward to. its been absolutely crazy in so many respects.

i want to share the goodness with as many people as possible. the next few months of my life will be exactly that…spreading goodness to my friends and family.

so based on some input to yesterdays blog post, i decided i’d write briefly about “the game.”

men and women play a game with each other. there are no teams, no goals, no fields. the game isn’t played with a ball, or a stick. its played with emotions, its played with tears, and sweat, and heartache, like any sport. its dating, relationships, marriage, whatever. men and women naturally gravitate towards each other. it is this gravitation that leads to the playing of the game.

i’m not quite sure when i realized my life was part of the game. i feel sometime around high school, i learned that there was something eerie about how boys and girls (or men and women) interacted. i’m not quite sure when i started playing the game, or if i’m still playing it right now. i’ve never believed in the game. i never wanted to play, and whenever i have played, i’ve lost.

usually, the game is played with one other person. when you play the game, you bet all your chips on red. the wheel doesn’t stop spinning until the person you’re playing with stops it. there’s nothing that says when they must stop the wheel. it just spins, constantly. during this time, friendly banter occurs. chatter will happen between two people. learning, judging, guessing. 99.9% of the time, someone is withholding information regarding the outcome. it is that little tidbit that makes the game so shitty. 99.9% of the time, someone is “the house” and they hold the advantage. they know the odds of the game, and they decide when you win or lose. its a sad truth, but someone will always have more information about the outcome, and withhold it from the other player. its happened to me countless times, and i’ve done it countless times. its part of the game.

that being said, i dislike the game, but i understand its purpose. it is next to impossible to find someone to play the game with that will be 100% honest and forthcoming about their intentions. herein is the rub with playing. someone bet all their chips, and they can’t walk away. most of us play with one person, and one person alone. we either end up being the house, or the gambler. most of the time, the house wins.

it’s only when the player takes control of the situation, where a player can beat the game. so how can a player beat the game…

1. don’t bet all your chips. don’t show the person you’re playing with all your emotions or your intentions. the other person doesn’t know how much they can take from you until you show them. your best weapon is to keep that to yourself.
2. play with multiple people. of course you can’t do this unless you have some time, emotions, etc. to spare, but if you do have that to spare, you can play the game with many people, and gain valuable experience. it also prevents you from betting it all with one person.
3. take control. so often one person believes they are not in control. “once your chips are on the table, they are on the table,” they would say. however, what they don’t realize is that they are most in control when they walk away. there’s nothing that says you can’t stop and leave. (this writer encourages it.)
4. bet big, and if the other person can’t pay you, walk away. when you’re ready to bet big, you need to show the person you’re playing with that you’re here to stay. you can bet your emotions, sweat and tears. if they can’t pay you the same in return, you need to pick up and leave.

so many of my friends are seemingly used or “worked over” by the house. I, myself, have been reamed once or twice by the house. i bet big, and i couldn’t walk away. the one time i did walk away, i came right back and bet again.

i don’t like the game. i understand it, but i hate it. i’ve hurt people playing it, and i’ve been hurt playing it. 

but once in a while, you’ll find someone that doesn’t want to play the game with you. they don’t want you to bet. they aren’t into games, and they aren’t into betting against you. they know you’re a sure fire winner each and everytime. deep down, you know they’re a sure fire winner too.