a musing julius…

those who know me will understand when i say i’m not a big costume person. clearly, a lot of people are. but when talking to my friend just this past thursday before halloween, she called me a halloween grinch (hopefully, in an affectionate manner) and it got me thinking…why do people dress up?

i think the main reason is it gives people the chance to be something they’re usually not. in fact, the morning radio show i listen to on the way to work discussed halloween as exactly that, a time to be something that you’re not. live out a dream or fantasy for a day. do something outrageous…

i’m of the opinion that if you have a dream or fantasy you want fulfilled, you should probably just do it. are you dressed up as indiana jones…then you probably should have chosen a degree in spelunking and anthropology. decided to dress up as maverick from top gun…maybe you should have gone to aviation school. seriously, why dress up as something like a doctor or pilot or a president when you could have gone and DONE those things. do some outrageous once a year, but leave the other 364 days to your fairly benign life dressing up as…yourself, like the 3 layered pastel-colored collar-popped polo shirts with a sweet set of $5 aviators.

obviously, my theory explodes when the dude dressed up as a banana shows up to your halloween party. or the 22-year old dude dressed up in an 8-year old’s pajamas (which was a sweet costume by the way.) if you’re gonna dress up, why not dress up as something impossible to be, like the girl dressed up as an angel with her hand down some dude’s pants on the dance floor at the bar, or the girl dressed as a bumblebee (whom i coincidentally fell in love with multiple times when the whole idea wasn’t ruined by the image of a girl from the blind melon music video)

anyway i probably won’t dress up until i can think of something as creative as the guy that walked in with a lampshade on his head and table around his waste. he was a “one night stand.” rocked my face off.

so i’ve seen this this aveeno commercial on the tv nearly a dozen times. it starts of showing some woman (she’s probably 25 acting like she’s 55 and has wrinkles) and how she’s got “lines” on her face and she needs something to help her out.

so the commercial starts to tout the benefits of natural botanicals, wheat and shiitake. never paid much attention to that until this morning. then i thought, why in the hell would a woman put FUNGUS on her face. i mean, fungus is pretty delicious in some forms. i like mushrooms; they’re tasty to eat. but NOT to put on my face!

that got me thinking, of all the other ridiculous things that women are willing to put on their faces just for a reduction in the “appearance of wrinkles.” seriously, if aveeno has its way, we’re gonna start seeing avocado-lemongrass face lotion with cashew shell exfoliant. or crocodile skin extract with spinach leaf and coriander seed.

come to think of it, i bet i could make boatloads of money creating and selling this stuff.

i roamed the detroit autoshow yesterday, as i do each and every year…examining not my current employer’s line-up of vehicles, but more of the competition’s line-up.

the luxury marque brands, like maserati, lamborghini, bentley, rolls-royce, etc. usually hire tall leggy models in very skimpy dresses that stand next to their vehicles, doing nothing but smiling for the camera, and tilting their heads in a robotic blonde-like manner. these stands attract only the finest of male specimens, with fancy abercrombie shirts, collar popped, backwards baseball cap, and a set of jeans that came with a $25 “worn-look” option. some wore flip-flops, even though it was 7 degrees in detroit yesterday.

lamborghini’s stand was surrounded by these 20-something males, cameras extended at arms length above their heads, straining to take a picture of this car, with the model. frankly, i’m not interested in these cars. chances are, i’ll never be able to afford one, but i’ve sat in some, and driven others. they’re great machines…i wouldn’t mind a alfa romeo 8c competizione. but other than that, i don’t really care for a picture of these cars. i don’t understand why some men desire these photos. frankly, if you actually went to a dealer, they’ll (gasp!) let you sit in them.

if i want a picture, it’s of the CAR, not of the GIRL. i actually saw some guys asking for pictures with just the models at these stands, posing with these women they’ll never date, behind a car they’ll never own.

i guess the autoshow presents a fantasy for some of these guys. i suppose i’m not that interested in these cars, cause i read about or see them everyday. but if i really really wanted a picture of these cars, because they’re unique or rare, i’d ask the model to step away. she’s ruining the photo.

so based on some input to yesterdays blog post, i decided i’d write briefly about “the game.”

men and women play a game with each other. there are no teams, no goals, no fields. the game isn’t played with a ball, or a stick. its played with emotions, its played with tears, and sweat, and heartache, like any sport. its dating, relationships, marriage, whatever. men and women naturally gravitate towards each other. it is this gravitation that leads to the playing of the game.

i’m not quite sure when i realized my life was part of the game. i feel sometime around high school, i learned that there was something eerie about how boys and girls (or men and women) interacted. i’m not quite sure when i started playing the game, or if i’m still playing it right now. i’ve never believed in the game. i never wanted to play, and whenever i have played, i’ve lost.

usually, the game is played with one other person. when you play the game, you bet all your chips on red. the wheel doesn’t stop spinning until the person you’re playing with stops it. there’s nothing that says when they must stop the wheel. it just spins, constantly. during this time, friendly banter occurs. chatter will happen between two people. learning, judging, guessing. 99.9% of the time, someone is withholding information regarding the outcome. it is that little tidbit that makes the game so shitty. 99.9% of the time, someone is “the house” and they hold the advantage. they know the odds of the game, and they decide when you win or lose. its a sad truth, but someone will always have more information about the outcome, and withhold it from the other player. its happened to me countless times, and i’ve done it countless times. its part of the game.

that being said, i dislike the game, but i understand its purpose. it is next to impossible to find someone to play the game with that will be 100% honest and forthcoming about their intentions. herein is the rub with playing. someone bet all their chips, and they can’t walk away. most of us play with one person, and one person alone. we either end up being the house, or the gambler. most of the time, the house wins.

it’s only when the player takes control of the situation, where a player can beat the game. so how can a player beat the game…

1. don’t bet all your chips. don’t show the person you’re playing with all your emotions or your intentions. the other person doesn’t know how much they can take from you until you show them. your best weapon is to keep that to yourself.
2. play with multiple people. of course you can’t do this unless you have some time, emotions, etc. to spare, but if you do have that to spare, you can play the game with many people, and gain valuable experience. it also prevents you from betting it all with one person.
3. take control. so often one person believes they are not in control. “once your chips are on the table, they are on the table,” they would say. however, what they don’t realize is that they are most in control when they walk away. there’s nothing that says you can’t stop and leave. (this writer encourages it.)
4. bet big, and if the other person can’t pay you, walk away. when you’re ready to bet big, you need to show the person you’re playing with that you’re here to stay. you can bet your emotions, sweat and tears. if they can’t pay you the same in return, you need to pick up and leave.

so many of my friends are seemingly used or “worked over” by the house. I, myself, have been reamed once or twice by the house. i bet big, and i couldn’t walk away. the one time i did walk away, i came right back and bet again.

i don’t like the game. i understand it, but i hate it. i’ve hurt people playing it, and i’ve been hurt playing it. 

but once in a while, you’ll find someone that doesn’t want to play the game with you. they don’t want you to bet. they aren’t into games, and they aren’t into betting against you. they know you’re a sure fire winner each and everytime. deep down, you know they’re a sure fire winner too.

tonight, i went out with my friend ingrid, who over the last 4 months has lived in detroit monday-thursday as part of her consulting work with accenture. tonight was her 2nd to last night in detroit, so we went out to the dbc to say goodbye.

i find it amazing, that someone who i’ve known for so long (nearly 7 years) can find themselves back in your life so many years later. ingrid and i were close for most of her freshman year, but only kept random contact throughout the next 6. surprisingly enough, she was the first to talk to me after my most recent relationship fiasco.

it was good to have a bit of home come to detroit for a short period of time. many days i miss chicago, my friends and my life that i think i could have had…had i lived in chicago. i chose to move to detroit, and prayed for my friends to visit…so many have, and to those that made it here, i thank you all the time.

ingrid’s 4 months in detroit, and her opinion of the city, makes me proud i live here (she also told me detroit is in the nyt’s top 53 places to visit in 2008) it’s sad to see her go, but at the same time, i’m glad she got a great impression of detroit, and an experience she may not have had visiting another big city like ours.

stephanie’s visit was phenomenal, and i can say without a doubt my life was completely changed. no, literally, she rearranged my entire loft. while it was sweet before, now, it’s just freaking “radass” (as stephanie would say) i’m amazed at how much fun we had in a short period of time, and in the 40ish hours stephanie was in detroit, i managed to try at least a half dozen things that i hadn’t done before (my favorite of which was mrs. grass chicken soup with golden nugget.) it felt awesome.

after a night out with friends in dearborn on friday, we took the evening in to chillax and get to know one other. the next morning, i took steph to some of detroit’s finest establishments (avalon bakery) and art installations (heidelberg) we enjoyed coffee, roamed the city, enjoyed a sticky bun and scone, and talked like we were best buddies. we made a pizza together. i learned how to get cheese that is stretchy on a pizza, and i helped a literal stranger rearrange my entire apartment. it’s freakin’ sweet. and after all of our talk about hitting up the jazz club (cliff bells) and maybe another establishment to dance the night away, we ended up watching 300 on the couch in HD. i respect a girl who can watch 300, let alone yell, “SWEET!” with a cackle as a persian gets his leg cutoff with a sword by a bulked up spartan. that’s when i knew stephanie is the radass she aspires to be.

for someone who i met for just a couple of hours at a wedding, and talked with back and forth for the past few weeks, there wasn’t a single minute of the time we were together that i considered awkward or strange, considering we knew very little of each other. but with steph, i felt like we had known each other for ages, that we had been best friends forever, and we were finally seeing each other after years, of well…not seeing each other.

i can say without a doubt that the weekend that just passed was something new, exciting and completely different. it felt like my life started something really good.

strangely, after re-reading what i just wrote, i realize that none of the words above come even close to describing the weekend. just so many things, feelings, emotions, activities, it felt like nothing i was familiar with.

it was like i met a new best friend and i’m sad (understatement) that she’s gone! i wish my new friend lived closer. a lot closer.

UPDATE: while we certainly did blow a lot of sunshine up our asses the last few weeks…we learned we are two kick ass people, so it was okay, we were just telling the truth about each other.

tomorrow, around this time (barring flight delays), i’ll be hanging out with stephanie, a girl i met just 6 weeks ago, at a wedding which i was supposed to attend with a girlfriend, that dumped me before the wedding happened.

stephanie and i danced the night away…and had it not been for timing, a random trip outside for fresh air, and choice “julius-like” pick up lines like, “would you like to come on a sandals vacation with me?,” or “if we’re going to grind on each other, i think we should know each other’s names,” a girl that lives half a country away away wouldn’t have booked a flight to visit me (in DETROIT IN DECEMBER!!!) for a weekend.

for so long, i marched down this path of just stupidity, locking myself to one person emotionally and physically on many levels. meeting stephanie, and just talking to her for the last ~6 weeks, nearly every day during and after work, has made me realize there are so many good things in life to be happy about. taking her outlook on life and love has made me feel so much more comfortable in my own skin, has helped me deal with the past few months, and kept my mind occupied on the things most important to me, and not the things important to another person.

it also helps that the she thinks i’m funny and amazing, and is willing to fist fight anyone that doesn’t think i’m amazing. and she knows i feel the same way about her.

here’s to a fun weekend…