a musing julius…

its been exactly one year (okay, i’m off a day) since i returned from a vacation in florida and jumped on a treadmill. i ran 5.5 miles that day. it took me an hour exactly, because the treadmills downstairs only let you run for 60 minutes. the sweat stung my eyes, my feet were bloody from my shoes, my legs burned, my lungs gasped and my heart pounded out of my chest. i cried that day. it was an awakening. i felt dead and alive at the same time. it dulled the pain i felt. it fueled my anger. it motivated me to become better at something, anything, whatever.

but returning home this day was different than a year ago. i didn’t feel bad running 5.5 miles, and i did it in a much quicker time, but i didn’t feel better. the pain from a year ago comes back, and a realization floods me that a year ago, running to dull the pain had one side effect; it made me run from the reasons i felt the way i did. i blamed everything and everyone for the pain i felt, but didn’t blame myself. today, i thought long and hard, and realized i’m the reason for the way i feel.

much like a year ago i started the long and slow drive run to making myself physically “better,” today, i start the long and slow process of taking responsibility for my emotions and actions. my mom thinks its about time. i know others that agree with her.

so i’m at the y this evening, doing some interval training. it was a pretty empty day today at the y, so just 2 people on the treadmills, couple of people biking, and a few people lifting. just a very light day.

so this dude, chooses the treadmill next to mine, even though 12 others are available. so he’s stretching, putting in his headphones, watching the tv, then…just standing.

literally, i ran 2 miles, in 15 minutes and this guy is still just STANDING on the damn treadmill, for 15!!! minutes.

stop standing there and just run!

the pensacola marathon was on sunday. and it was incredible. we started on the pensacola bay at 6:30 in the morning…the sun rising over the water, a gentle strong ass wind in the face.

my goal for the race was running a 1:50:00. i thought it a reasonable goal, but even the day before i left to florida, i told my co-workers a more “realistic” goal was 1:54. well, i ended up running a 1:47:58. the pace was 8:15 a mile, for 13.1 miles. i finished 64th overall (5th in my age group of 25-29), thanks to a last minute sprint to the finish where i passed two individuals.

but in the end i drove 1982.2 miles, to run 13.1 miles. was it worth it? absolutely. was it a lot of driving? yes. am i tired as hell, yes. how tired am i, here’s an example.

sunday: wake up at 5am, run 13.1 miles.
monday: wake up at 5am, drive 991.1 miles for 15 hours, arrive home at 10pm, unpack, sleep
tuesday: wake up at 6am, pack, get on a plane at 7pm, fly for 5 hours, arrive in seattle for work at 2am detroit time.

tomorrow, i wake up at 6am to work my ass off until 6pm, then go out drinking with some germans.

in the end, i’m sleepy, really really sleepy…and i did a lot of driving. but i ran fast. and that’s good.

my next race is in 2 weeks, 6 days. it’s a half-marathon in pensacola, florida, and i’m freaking excited. when i last ran the detroit half-marathon, i had just 8 weeks to prepare. for this race, i’ve had closer to 4 months to prepare. since christmas day, i’ve run over 100 miles training for a 13.1 mile race. my guess is i ran about 70 miles before christmas.

my double super secret goal is to break 1:50 in the half. its ambitious, daft, and seemingly impossible at this point. i feel like 1:54 is more of an attainable goal (just 30 seconds better per mile than my detroit race)

i recall running for the first time in august, preparing for the detroit race, 5 miles, a distance that i never thought i could run. i couldn’t run for 2 days afterwards i hurt so much, but it was attainable. 5 miles is an average day now and while i’m not running 30-50 miles a week, like more serious runners, i feel like i’ve “accomplished” something with myself.

just 6 days before i turn 25, i feel like i hit my quarter life crisis months ago, and now i’ve never been so positive or sure of the things i want to do or accomplish with myself going forward. i have more interesting plans beyond running a lot more. i’m keeping those a bit more secret…but for now, running is the name of the game. and it’s been one hell of a ride run.

so christmas eve went off without a hitch. my family (me, dad, mom plus grandma) opened the 52 presents we had under the tree. yes, 52. 4 people, 52 presents. 13 presents on average. in actuality, mom and i got the most. dad was ridiculous again, purchasing not only 10 articles of clothing for my mom from her favorite store, he went the ‘laptop’ route. now, grandma, mom, dad and i all have laptops. christmas morning was spent on our respective computers*

dinner was different this xmas eve. we opted for non-polish fare…no pierogis, herrings or potatoes. the only thing we had remotely polish was barszcz (yes, that’s 5 consonants in a row) instead, seafood stew, bruschetta and baked brie (not all together, and not all at once) made up dinner for the night.

polish people open gifts on xmas eve…and this year, santa was good to me, mostly in the area of running effects. santa thinks i can run a 1:45 half-marathon, and did everything in his and her power to keep me running. the signature gift, a suunto t4, not only tracks my heartrate, but knows exactly the distance i’ve run, the pace, how many calories i’ve burned, and then downloads all of that to my computer, so i can see just how well i’ve been regressing progressing in my running.

anyway, after dad and i plowed down a bottle of wine between the two of us while opening presents, we decided to polish off another one (this time we split with mom and grandma) before we had to walk across the yard to our friend’s place. there, we told stories of the old polish country.

this morning (christmas day) we ended up spending an hour at starbucks with polish friends, in the corner, having a blast, and making fun of more absolutely ridiculous holiday greetings from poland. i’d translate these, but they rhyme, and their in polish. sadly, the words “yank” and “testicles” don’t rhyme in the english language, so the poem about santa getting his ass kicked when he comes down your chimney rhymes in polish, but not in english.

i took the new running gear out (which is ungodly accurate when it comes to identifying how far i run: 4.18 miles today)

but mostly, this christmas was a great time to be with the family. we rarely spend this much physical time together, and usually, we seperate and do our things, like work, visit friends, etc. it’s been 4 solid days, and we’ve not left each other’s side. this time, love has been the word of the week. i’ve never felt this way about my family. despite the distance, i feel closer and closer to my parents each and everytime i come. i’m not sure if its maturity in general, or if i’m gaining emotional maturity when it comes to my parents. i love them lots (obviously, we talk constantly, but they’re all i’ve got) but this week continues to show that my relationship with them continues to evolve, and i learn more and more each day about them and my relationship with them. it’s neat.

also, everyone should watch the movie Vitus.

*in all actuality, i left my laptop in detroit, but it makes the story sound better if i actually imagine i brought the laptop with me and used it this morning.

alright, so while at the y today (like I am nearly everyday), i get to experience probably the worst experience of my life.

i picked a treadmill following the men’s public restroom urinal rule, which mathematically breaks down into the following algorithm.

1) let x(n) equal the position of a urinal where n is the number of urinals.
2) if a urinal is occupied, x(n) equals 1, else x(n) equals 0
3) let x(0) and x(n+1) equals a wall (with a value of -1)

one must choose x(n) where x(n-1) and x(n+1) <= 1 with lower values getting precedence. if the value of x(n-1) and x(n+1) > 1 you should leave that bathroom or use a stall.

anyway, i use the same algorithm to choose a treadmill, yet, someone pulled up right next to me, a bigger man, who looked like he had been lifting for hours before he got on the treadmill.

…his stench is now ingrained in my clothes, which are currently burning in my sink. never have i experienced such terrible pain and suffering from inhaling “air.” i felt like gary indiana was located in this guys shirt, and his arm pits were harbingers of death by smell. i wanted to stop running, move one treadmill over and continue running, but i felt it would have been rude. when i came home, realizing how bad the smell had permeated my body, i decided it was rude of him not to warn me that prolonged exposure to him from 3 feet could cause severe bodily injury and irreparable damage to my brain.

listen, i probably don’t smell great when i come home from the gym, and i’m not the greatest smelling guy at the gym, but i use liberal amounts of deodorant when i go to the gym, and make sure no one will die by running next to me.

this guy…just killed me.