a musing julius…

poland is less than 300 kilometers from where i’m sitting right now, and its the land of my ancestors, and my entire family outside of my parents. i haven’t been there in 15 years. so being in germany, this is the perfect opportunity to take advantage of the close proximity and visit for a short period of time. so i bit the bullet, bought a $500 ticket from munich to poznan, and will be flying there tomorrow morning.

i haven’t seen my grandfather in about 7 years. maybe longer. i haven’t seen grandma in nearly a year. i haven’t seen my aunt and uncle in 15 years, and i haven’t seen my cousins in nearly 18 years. its been forever. so tomorrow, i’ll wake up nice and early, drive 2 hours to munich, jump onto a prop plane that has 18 seats total, and land in my dad’s hometown at lunch time, when my grandmother (who drives a mean stick shift btw) will pick me up to take me to a home she built almost 10 years ago, but i have yet to see in person.

allegedly poland has changed immensely since i’ve been there last, and i’m interested in seeing some of the changes (though it has been so long, i probably won’t notice.) this time around, i’ll have a camera, so i can document my adventures.

aspiring radass and i agreed that 2008 was going to be a year of travel adventures. here’s another to add to my list.

here are some helpful fashion tips for men and women coming from america to germany to help with cultural acclimation.

• men’s shorts should be no longer than 3 inches above the knee.
• sandals and socks: not only accepted, but preferred!
• capri pants are generally not worn by women, but usually by men (in case they want longer shorts)
• dress shirt, tie, and spandex bike shorts are considered casual “going out” attire
• popped collar rules are still considered a large negative indicative of a “tool”
• walking with a german flag anywhere on your body at any time is acceptable and usually greeted with enthusiastic shouts of nationalism.
• shirts that have the name of an american city or university that are usually considered “the sign of a tourist” are actually cool in germany cause it means you’ve been to or spent time in america.
• short sleeve button up shifts are the sign of a very sporting and active person.
• north face here means what it means everywhere else: you rarely spend time in the sub-arctic circle, but you’d like to think that if you somehow found yourself there, you’d be well prepared with your matching north face shirt, backpack and fleece.

hopefully these tips will help you out on your next adventure to……spaaaaaaaaaaaace (or germany)

steph and i went into laguna beach for a weekend soiree at the montage resort and spa, for my buddy’s wedding. aside from the montage being ridiculous awesome, with a wedding ceremony on the lawn just 20 feet from a cliff face which lead down to the pacific, every single detail of the wedding was immaculately planned. hell, even the “lay people”, those who paid the $700+ a night to actually have a room at the resort were asked to leave to area where the cermony was being held. it’s not every day you ask the people that are paying stupid amounts of cash to step away from the outdoor fire pit.

anyway, aside from feeling like a guest at a celebrity wedding, i enjoyed laughed at laguna beach for its extreme and over the top “i have more money/faster car/bigger boobs/better abs” than you. no shortage of lambos, ferraris, bentleys, astons, shelby gt-h (rental!) and porches (for those not blessed with 8 figure incomes) the aire around laguna beach was just absolutely insane. while steph and i were waiting for our lunch to arrive on the patio of a supremely cute french cafe, the conversations going on around us were absent minded “jibber jabber” with little value to society. one table of two men, their girlfriends, and what looked like their mother’s sat talking about their “pecs, bi’s and tri’s” and “just blasting [their] arms” when they’re at the gym. sometimes they just run 7 miles in 45 minutes when they don’t have enough time staring at themselves in the mirror. all 4 woman at that table were all wearing the same coach sunglasses.

another table asked for an additional chair to avoid putting their purses on the ground. the woman behind us made her waitress cry because her daughter asked for a warm croissant, and it was cold so she couldn’t eat it and was hungry because she couldn’t eat the cold croissant. god forbid your croissant is cold. as an apology, the waitresses comped their breakfast, to which the women replied, “don’t cry, we like you now.” the same women likely paid in the 5 figures to get their faces and asses reshaped. twice.

anyway, i’ll go back to visit brad in socal, but in general, it was icky people, pretty shops, views and restaurants and sick cars. i’ll take a lambo lp640 and a ferrari please.

on a recent visit to dc, i was introduced to potentially the greatest concept ever created by man, for man: top golf. what is top golf? well i’m happy you asked. it’s a driving range, with RFID tagged balls, which you hit out on to the range which has huge targets, which read the RFID tags and give you points based on where you hit the ball.

why it’s awesome?

• bay service: they come by and bring me delicious draft beer and food when i please
• golf has a purpose: you no longer just hit balls out into a field of previously hit golf balls. you actually try to aim at something (although some would argue this is the point of golf, for a driving range, i feel like people just try to whack the shit out of the ball)
• web 2.0 compliance: okay, so it’s not web 2.0, but you get a screen that shows you where you hit the ball, and how far it traveled. awesome.
• scoring system: forget stroke counting like regular golf. you get points, a handicap and can play different variations of the same game. massively super fun.
• did i mention they bring you beer?

anyway, the place was insanely fun. it rocked my face off. i want to sell all my earthly possessions and open one in michigan for the sole reason to play on it all day. also, to make a living after i sell all my earthly possessions.

the last 3 weeks of my life have been crazy, hence the break from blogging. my mind has been on overdrive consistently over these past few weeks. here’s a sampling of what’s happening.

• mom’s surgery, fairly self explanatory
• work. i recieved a promotion to leave my current team and go elsewhere to become a team lead.
• that offer was promptly matched by my current team in an effort to keep me. no decisions have been made yet
• i just had the most amazing weekend in dc with my aspiring radass, and i ache when i have to leave her
• work wants someone to go to germany for a month, and my name is on the list
• i want to start studying for the gmat
• my apartment is a disaster
• i haven’t seen my friends in many weeks, and i haven’t been in the d for longer than a week at a time in the last 2 months

i just want some sense of normalcy to return, first with mom, then with the remainder of my life.

so on my flight out to germany, i flew “world business class” which is basically a fancy name for first class on international flights on northwest airlines. this was amusingly the first time i’ve flown first class. i booked the ticket 5 hours prior to my flight, at a cost of $6450.

i can say without a doubt, it’s worth each and every cent. airlines have been killing the amount of space in coach, and charging more for exit row seats, aisle seats, window seats and seats that have folding armrests. either way, business class flights start with champaign. awesome. two glasses of that before you take off is a sure fire way to get your mind ready for a flight. hot towels, followed by some wine and macadamia nuts, then salad, smoked salmon, maybe some arugula salad? sure, the food is still airline food. but it’s at least served on a white cloth. and with metal silverware.

oh, and you know how the olive garden has unlimited soup and breadsticks? well first class is like that. but with alcohol.

anyway, when you’re done gorging yourself on an ice cream sundae, creme brulee, port wine, liquour and starbucks coffee, you can recline to a nearly flat 174 degrees and sleep the remainder of the flight under a comfy wool blanket that was definetely washed prior to the flight (it comes in a sealed bag.) and then you get earplugs, eye mask, toothbrush and toothpaste, chapstick, wool socks to throw over your regular socks so your shoes can be off, and a comb for the bed head you’ll get by sleeping in your bedlike chair.

so seriously, these things are obviously not worth the extra $5000 you pay for the ticket, but what is worth its weight in gold is getting off the plane having slept like a baby, pampered like a king, and without muscle pain that can only be cured by popping 4 advil and chasing with a $5 single shot of bombay gin served from the drink cart.

can’t wait until i fly coach again. then i can remember the good days while i sit next to crazy people on the plane.

there’s this old joke about meat and potatoes written down somewhere about the german diet. it’s only funny cause it’s true. it’s also not funny because it destroys your body.

when eating dinner in bamburg with two new friends from elektrobit on sunday, i heard the joke that you can “tell the difference between german food and other food by how many vegetables” are in the dish. uh, yes. i concur. german food has two vegetables. potatoes and onions. if you consider meat a vegetable, there may be three.

anyway, i can’t recall a time where i’ve eaten so many potatoes. in fact, i cannot last remember when i had a potato that wasn’t cut into long thin rectangular strips and deep fried in vegetable oil. i don’t think i can take much more of this. i love meat as much as the next dude. i like potatoes. i don’t like meat and potatoes everyday for 5 days straight, with one break for a vastly different kind of meat (bratwurst) and bread (it’s like potato) with a side of sauerkraut (not that far from onions.) 

anyway you catch my drift. i haven’t been able to run here, so i feel like i’m growing fatter by the day. maybe tomorrow i’ll find something different to eat. maybe it’ll be sliced potatoes instead of whole potatoes…here’s to dreaming.

dear rooster,

for my entire life, i found the comeidic value in seeing you in cartoons, commercials, and movies; a cheap and relatively easy gag. someone is somewhere new, obviously has had a late night of drinking, working or just having trouble sleeping. 20 minutes before the sun comes up, you chime up with your famous “cock-a-doodle-doo” (or something like that) and person wakes up. studio audience laughs, viewers at home laugh, overpriced tv or film actor gets a large check. he only had to act like he was tired.

well mr. german rooster. today, my first day in germany when i felt like i could actually get some valuable rest, you had to open your big fat beak. the minute the sun came up, which you could barely see through the haze that defines the sky right now, your ass was singing away for god knows what reason. are you freaking serious?!?! you couldn’t even make the stereo typical sounds that american roosters make. hell, my alarm clock makes a better rooster sound than you. (although i tend to think aspiring radass would disagree)

you were more of a “cock-a doooo-errr-ooo-cah-oooo”…which i’ve determined is the most annoying sound i’ve ever heard with my own ears.

tomorrow is supposed to be nicer, with the sun coming up without clouds or haze. i want to sleep so badly tomorrow, so i hope your ass can give me a break.

thanks,
sleepless in germany

update: now i actually have a non-sarcastic reason to thank the rooster. since coming to germany, i’ve had troubles adjusting to sleep, and have always missed the breakfast at my hotel. because rooster woke me up on time today, i was actually able to eat a breakfast which is similar to my diet at home (fruit, yogurt, granola, etc.) i can’t tell you how good breakfast made me feel, considering what i’ve learned about german cuisine is that it’s like cuisine everywhere else in the world, except here they ladle gravy on top of it, or sauce, or melted fat. either way, my stomach feels happy! 

so over the last 2 and a half days, i’ve worked 32 hours. that’s strangely almost a full work week in half of what’s considered a full work week.

i’ve spent most of my time communicating to and from the united states and helping the german team get kick started on their tasks for delivering version 2. awesome, exciting, crazy busy. today, i felt like i walked into the office (at 8:30am) and minutes later someone asked if i wanted to get lunch (at 11:45am.) 3 hours had flashed by me, and moments later it was 5pm. then at 8:20 pm i walked to the hotel.

anyway, i was called today and asked to stay an additional week! so yay, i’m in germany for another week! that’s crazy super awesome. except i have 3 of everything, expecting i would only stay 3-4 days. now i’m staying 12 days.

i’ve arranged for a car for the week, extended my hotel stay, and moved my flight. i’ll have a weekend in germany to roam around nuerenberg, visit a castle, and hang out in a cafe somewhere and take pictures of “germany” as its meant to be seen.

so, today, as i roamed the back streets of erlangen, searching for a restaurant i knew existed, but couldn’t find because i got lost, i listened to the sounds. apparently, i’m in the countryside, yet i couldn’t tell because of the large office buildings around me. but the sounds of my walk around tennelohe this evening were nature at its finest. birds chirping at 8:30 at night, a running creek flowing next to the brickpaved street i walked along, and drops of rain hitting my jacket and face.

it sounded so peaceful. at 9pm, it was still relatively light out, a pleasant surprise considering i was accustomed to the days being short in a winter that is not willing to release its grasp on the world.

at the same time, the place (germany) just seems european, whatever that means. i haven’t seen a lighted sign indicating anything since i’ve gotten here. even the sign for my hotel is modest in it’s appearance, far from the neon yellow and red of a mcdonalds. i haven’t seen many cars actually driving (but many are parked on the side of the road) 

most surprising is that next to every bus stop i’ve walked by, there’s a vending machine for cigarettes, which accepts bills, coins and credit cards with rfid tags in them.

i haven’t seen a single person smoke since getting here.

i was telling my aspiring radass on friday night that northwest hates me. each and everytime i book a flight i’m seated next to someone that’s either:

• abnormally large
• has a quirk of some kind

so on my flight to d.c. this past friday, i was surprised to be seated next to a very LARGE person. and while there’s nothing wrong with this, i kept hearing from them how the airline seats are TOO small, that “normal” people can’t fit in those “damn seats” and “man, these seats are tight.” maybe they were uncomfortable, but i can tell you, on a flight to seattle two weeks ago, the gentleman i sat next to was so large that i couldn’t put my traytable down to enjoy my beverage.

granted, he was a nice person, but his thigh took up a third of my seat, and imposed on my airspace so much i felt guilty even trying to use my tray table (even after i lowered it, only hitting his thigh, leaving the tray at a 45 degree angle)

so on the flight back this morning (god awfully early) to detroit i thought, “maybe i’ll end up next to someone that isn’t huge.”

well, i got my wish. instead, the person sitting next to me was a snorer. a loud one. he would wake himself up he was so loud. the guy sitting across the aisle from me kept looking over, expecting me to do something to fix the grave in justice served him even though he was one seat and an aisle separated (about 7 inches) from the perpetrator.

anyway, i’m thinking when i book my flights, northwest must grab demographic data and put me next to people they know will annoy me. strangely, i’m sure the people i was sitting next to wanted to sit next to anyone than some d00d in his mid-twenties listening to his iPod all flight.